I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
