Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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