Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
