Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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