I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
