Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
