i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I wish you could order shots online.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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