i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
