Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
