i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
