Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
