I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
