I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
we should paint friendship bongs
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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