24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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