She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
