i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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