He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
