i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
