Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He kissed a someone with a penis
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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