Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
