Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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