so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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