theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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