its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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