I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
