Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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