your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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