I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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