Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize