WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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