I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
