yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
