A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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