gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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