i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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