Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
