u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
