its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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