It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
