someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
