people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
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when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
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I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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