And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
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Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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