We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
