I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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