HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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