I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
