So drunk its hurt
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
