She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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