Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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