Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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