There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
