It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
