Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
