At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My cat gives me a boner
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Randomize
