I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
