Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
