I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize