some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
