...so i touched it.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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