we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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