Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
