He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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